Magic Products For New Parents! Wait, What..?

As you may or may not know, my wife is pregnant and we will be having our third child within a month. If you have children, you know that they require a lot of “stuff” but the other night my wife and I were in a baby store looking for some boy baby bedding and as I was browsing I realized something…the baby industry is quite the racket!

I know babies actually do need a lot of stuff. They require diapers even if you decide to go cloth, they require baby food, little tiny clothes, and a plethora of other things. I also know that as a parent, there are some things that I can’t do without when it pertains to baby such as a Binky. I don’t know how parents ever went without soothing Binkies to keep kids quite when necessary.

But after the necessities of baby, and necessities of parent, there is a whole lot of extra stuff that is on the market for parents that I wish wasn’t there. Unknowing new parents are suckered into buying this junk they will soon realize serves no legitimate purpose.

I know the baby industry isn’t the only one with useless products but I can’t believe companies pray on the insecurities that new and even old parents have to sell their cutesy goods.

Some products I noticed at the baby store included this massive pillow,

As disturbing as that looks, with the magic snow flakes floating around this woman and all, it’s name is even more disturbing: The Snoogle. Snuggie meets noodle?

There were actually quite a few pillows that I just couldn’t see anyone actually using due to the humiliation that would certainly follow. Here’s another one that while at first glance looks similar to the Snoogle, wraps around to create a baby holding cocoon:

I just can’t fathom anyone using this…

While these seem silly, they do seem to fill a purpose if only for a select few individuals with absolutely no shame. The next thing I saw at the baby store was again, shameless but in a different way. I can see the creators of this thinking it was a good idea, but honestly, a picture is worth 1000 words and 2000 of these things:

A fully body cast, to remember your pregnant belly and all the weird things that it did to your body from head to toe. Seriously, even if you did happen to receive one of these as a gift (I can’t see anyone purchasing it for themselves) what would you do with it afterwards? Hang it up in your office so everyone could see your breasts complete with every detail, and your ..uh..to put this elegantly, whowho? I think you’d be receiving a not so pleasant call from the HR department should that be the case.

Then there’s this little contraption. I’m thinking the commercial would go something like this…”Tired of having to find a crib for baby when you go on business trips? Look no more! With the HALO SleepSack, just hang your baby up in the closet with your dry-cleaning and you will feel like a new woman!”

And if you don’t want to put your baby in a wearable blanket, try this, the straight-jacket blanket:

What ever happened to wrapping your kid in a regular blanket? These fancy and unnecessary items above cost several times that of a regular baby blanket…these go hand in hand with the Zaky, one of the freakiest baby products I have ever seen:

It’s true babies do need some baby specific products to be safe and those help parents sleep at night, but honestly, there is a lot of crap out there and unlike other industries that sell crap, the baby industry seems to take advantage of the situation they are in. New parents are scared, confused and will buy things they think will help them but when baby finally arrives, they will realize the purchase is unnecessary. At least that’s how parenting has been for me…

I have to know, do you know anyone that purchased the full body cast, or ridiculously huge body pillow?

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16 People have left comments on this post



» Stacie HoganNo Gravatar said: { Jan 14, 2011 - 12:01:00 }

Lol i love this one. I went to create my baby registry and it took me forever to sort through the junk. those zaky hands freak me out. and the body cast might seem like a cool idea in theory but like you said, what the heck do you do with it?? and the pillows… who knows? yay for greedy people taking advantage of new parents. thankfully you and I both had a ton of younger sibs so we kind of knew what we needed at least to an extent.

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» MoneyConeNo Gravatar said: { Jan 14, 2011 - 04:01:17 }

If I get one of these for my kid, I’m pretty positive he’s gonna disown me when he grows up!

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Jesse MichelsenNo Gravatar Reply:

hahaha which one? They are all equally bad though..

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MoneyconeNo Gravatar Reply:

All of them Jesse! 🙂

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» Sherri MorrisNo Gravatar said: { Jan 15, 2011 - 12:01:00 }

Omg that was hilarious! What they need to create is a giant cup that holds 3 pots of coffee to help new Mommies stay awake!

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» Sherri MorrisNo Gravatar said: { Jan 15, 2011 - 05:01:00 }

Omg that was hilarious! What they need to create is a giant cup that holds 3 pots of coffee to help new Mommies stay a

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» Stacie HoganNo Gravatar said: { Jan 15, 2011 - 10:01:00 }

Lol i love this one. I went to create my baby registry and it took me forever to sort through the junk. those zaky hands freak me out. and the body cast might seem like a cool idea in theory but like you said, what the heck do you do with it?? and the pillows… who knows? yay for greedy people taking advantage of new parents. thankfully you and I both had a ton of younger sibs so we kind of knew what we needed at least to an e

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» Jesse MichelsenNo Gravatar said: { Jan 17, 2011 - 12:01:00 }

@Stacie ya, some things may be kinda cool but once the novelty wears off, what do you do with it!? :)@Sherri I thought of you when I wrote this post, because you have a product that parents will actually appreciate 🙂 way to go for getting it right!But to solve the coffee problem…I think those beer can hats would do 😛

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» Jesse MichelsenNo Gravatar said: { Jan 17, 2011 - 02:01:00 }

@Stacie ya, some things may be kinda cool but once the novelty wears off, what do you do with it!? :)@Sherri I thought of you when I wrote this post, because you have a product that parents will actually appreciate 🙂 way to go for getting it right!But to solve the coffee problem…I think those beer can hats would

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» Kevin @ Thousandaire.comNo Gravatar said: { Jan 17, 2011 - 08:01:45 }

I don’t think my apartment door is big enough to get that pillow inside.

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Jesse MichelsenNo Gravatar Reply:

I think once they dump it off the truck, you have to assemble it so the doorway shouldn’t be a problem…though how many SQ ft is your apartment? They have to come measure beforehand.. 😉

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» SquirrelersNo Gravatar said: { Jan 17, 2011 - 04:01:26 }

Most of these seem to be unneccessary to say the least! Much like a lot of baby contraptions that prey upon unknowing, giddy with excitement first time parents. Had a convo with a cousin recently who described this as first-child syndrome.

First baby – yes, I fell for these things a bit. Second baby – I knew much better.

The one thing of the above that I thought was good though was the sleep sack. That actually ended up being convenient to put the kid in and get him to sleep warmly with less hassle. I do think they’re a good invention, so I’ll call that one a legitimately worthwhile product.

The others …I’m skeptical!

It’s also funny to me how some first-time parents go ga-ga over the baby’s crib and nursery. What a joke, to be honest. Now, I’m not begrudging people who just want that life experience and have the means to afford it. I get that some things are emotional and not logical and that’s all cool. It’s just that when these are referred to as “needs” I start to chuckle. You know, the $1,500 cribs, things like that. I bought a crib for nearly $1,000 (yeah, I was one of those people)- it was great, but I could have gotten one that was just fine for $300. First kid, of course. Second….got the first one’s crib:)

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Jesse MichelsenNo Gravatar Reply:

First-child syndrome huh? I believe that 🙂

Funny thing about the sleep sack..after I posted this article, my wife told me someone just gave us one of those for our upcoming baby! I guess I’ll get to try it out and see how it works (in the crib, not the closet)

My wife goes a little gaga on the baby stuff with each kid. I understand a bit with our first boy, it’s first baby syndrome all over again, but we’ll just see what happens with our next.

And I agree totally, the prego belly cast is a disaster waiting to happen!

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» SquirrelersNo Gravatar said: { Jan 17, 2011 - 04:01:05 }

BTW, with the sleep sack…I don’t recommend hanging the kid up in the closet as you joked:) In the crib like normal is just fine:)

Also, who in the heck has room for a pregnacy body cast? That seems like an emotional purchase that you just can’t publicly store, at least in many families I would think. Where do you put it….buried in a basement, hidden so nobody can see? Surely you wouldn’t hang it in the living room for all visitors to see. What’s worse, what if years later your current body is bigger than your pregancy body! How fun would that be?

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» valleycat1No Gravatar said: { Jan 21, 2011 - 10:01:03 }

I vote yay for the sleepsack too, based on experience. We didn’t keep the house very warm at night, so using them kept the baby warm & toasty no matter how much they scooched around the bed – also easier than having a separate blanket when picking them up in the middle of the night for feeding. The ones I used on my kids were designed so that when the baby gets taller, it works as a nightgown too (just unsnap the bottom, or remove the drawstring).

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Jesse MichelsenNo Gravatar Reply:

I stand corrected 🙂 I’ll have to share my experience when our baby is born in the coming weeks, as someone gave us a sleepsack as a gift, coincidentally.

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