As you may or may not know, my wife is pregnant and we will be having our third child within a month. If you have children, you know that they require a lot of “stuff” but the other night my wife and I were in a baby store looking for some boy baby bedding and as I was browsing I realized something…the baby industry is quite the racket!
I know babies actually do need a lot of stuff. They require diapers even if you decide to go cloth, they require baby food, little tiny clothes, and a plethora of other things. I also know that as a parent, there are some things that I can’t do without when it pertains to baby such as a Binky. I don’t know how parents ever went without soothing Binkies to keep kids quite when necessary.
But after the necessities of baby, and necessities of parent, there is a whole lot of extra stuff that is on the market for parents that I wish wasn’t there. Unknowing new parents are suckered into buying this junk they will soon realize serves no legitimate purpose.
I know the baby industry isn’t the only one with useless products but I can’t believe companies pray on the insecurities that new and even old parents have to sell their cutesy goods.
Some products I noticed at the baby store included this massive pillow,
As disturbing as that looks, with the magic snow flakes floating around this woman and all, it’s name is even more disturbing: The Snoogle. Snuggie meets noodle?
There were actually quite a few pillows that I just couldn’t see anyone actually using due to the humiliation that would certainly follow. Here’s another one that while at first glance looks similar to the Snoogle, wraps around to create a baby holding cocoon:
I just can’t fathom anyone using this…
While these seem silly, they do seem to fill a purpose if only for a select few individuals with absolutely no shame. The next thing I saw at the baby store was again, shameless but in a different way. I can see the creators of this thinking it was a good idea, but honestly, a picture is worth 1000 words and 2000 of these things:
A fully body cast, to remember your pregnant belly and all the weird things that it did to your body from head to toe. Seriously, even if you did happen to receive one of these as a gift (I can’t see anyone purchasing it for themselves) what would you do with it afterwards? Hang it up in your office so everyone could see your breasts complete with every detail, and your ..uh..to put this elegantly, whowho? I think you’d be receiving a not so pleasant call from the HR department should that be the case.
Then there’s this little contraption. I’m thinking the commercial would go something like this…”Tired of having to find a crib for baby when you go on business trips? Look no more! With the HALO SleepSack, just hang your baby up in the closet with your dry-cleaning and you will feel like a new woman!”
And if you don’t want to put your baby in a wearable blanket, try this, the straight-jacket blanket:
What ever happened to wrapping your kid in a regular blanket? These fancy and unnecessary items above cost several times that of a regular baby blanket…these go hand in hand with the Zaky, one of the freakiest baby products I have ever seen:
It’s true babies do need some baby specific products to be safe and those help parents sleep at night, but honestly, there is a lot of crap out there and unlike other industries that sell crap, the baby industry seems to take advantage of the situation they are in. New parents are scared, confused and will buy things they think will help them but when baby finally arrives, they will realize the purchase is unnecessary. At least that’s how parenting has been for me…
I have to know, do you know anyone that purchased the full body cast, or ridiculously huge body pillow?
Leave your comments below br>